u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
