Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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