Where did you get a picture of my penis
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
