Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
