I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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