what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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