yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
