I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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