Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
