Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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