She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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