I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
