my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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