i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
