I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
