I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
