Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
