He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
