i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
