Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
