I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
