I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
