I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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