well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
