My liver just broke up with me...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
