He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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