sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
