She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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