dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
