I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
