Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
