Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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