just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
