she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
