Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
