I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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