I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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