i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
