so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
