A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
