i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I could fuck to npr.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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