yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
