That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
