I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
