Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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