I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
