I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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