every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
