before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
