The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
