My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
