i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
