You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
