theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
