Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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