Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
...so i touched it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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