It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
