The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
