My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
