we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
