Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
